DSB – the pain of my existence

I think I’ve figured out a good theme for my blog. People who know me know that I have a talent for being pissed off. Not that I go around screaming at people all the time, but on occasion I’ve been known to… tell people, companies, football players, politicians and animals what they are made off.
Unluckily it’s often my friends or girlfriends who has to put up with my bitching, I mean it’s not like I call the Danish railroads (DSB) and yell at them because they suck. So I was thinking to give my friends and girlfriend a break and use my blog for bitching. From now on this blog will only contain angry words from an angry man – me! This theme should provide me with topics for the remainder of my life.

So here we go. The DSB-example isn’t random. DSB is my biggest enemy, my kryptonite if you will. I could win 10 million in the lottery, get my dream job and have my favorite football team win the Super Bowl and DSB would still be able to ruin my day.

Every year DSB informs the Danes that this year they have arrived on time 98 or something percent of the time. Then why the h… come they are always late whenever I’m riding the train (which on average is two times a week)!?! Is it a coincident? Are DSB deliberately trying to piss me off? Or are they lying about the 98 percent? My guess is the latter.
Still it feels like they are going out of their way to aggravate me, and last night I had it.

I was taking the train from Horsens to Aalborg. On paper a one hour and 56 minutes train ride.
I arrived at the train station in Horsens 10 minutes early, only to find the usual message on the screen in station: “The train is six minutes late”. Well six minutes is all right, I can handle that. I go to the shop and buy a cup of coffee. Return to the screen. The message has changed. “The train is 21 minutes late”?!?! How the hell can it go from six minutes to 21? I mean did they think that the train all of a sudden would develop ultrafast speed and make up for the lost time? While I’m screaming (inside my own head) the text changes again: “The train is 27 minutes late”. Now my head is about to explode.
Calm down Peter, you’ve tried this before. I do my usual “waiting for a delayed train” routine. I finish my coffee, go to the toilet (even though I don’t have to) and walk to the tracks 15 minutes early. Who knows if the train actually has developed ultrafast speed and has made up some lost time – it hasn’t. 33 minutes later than planned it arrives.
I get on the train, find my seat and inform my girlfriend that I’ll be arriving in Aalborg half an hour late. As I arrive in Århus everybody get off the train. For some reason DSB has decided that this train can’t go any further. Now I have to change train to get to Aalborg. I wait on the platform for 15 additional minutes before the train arrives.
I arrive In Aalborg at 22:02, 53 minutes later than planned. And what did this fantastic service cost me you ask. 239 kroner ($47)
How far can I get with that kind of money if I chose to fly? Well, let’s take a look at Norwegian Air’s website:
Copenhagen – Aalborg 149 kroner
Copenhagen – London 199 kroner
Copenhagen – Paris 199 kroner

That’s right people: You can fly to Paris cheaper than you can ride the train from Horsens to Aalborg, and it will take you less time. Norwegian Air should be running the Danish railroad system if you ask me.

As I see it the only way to get DSB off their lazy asses and provide the Danes with the service they pay for is by competition. Or though I’m pretty sure that competition would put DSB out of business from day one.
Every time I experience bad service like I did yesterday, I get the feeling that DSB is flipping me the bird while in a sarcastic tone informing me to use another company if I have any complaints.

But but but my friends I now have opportunity to flip the bird right back. The train staff informed me that DSB have implemented something called ”rejsetidsgaranti”. It means that if your train arrives more than half an hour late, you can get a new ticket or some of your money back.
However this “rejsetidsgaranti” seems like it has been invented so that DSB have something to point to if their customers are unsatisfied, because it’s not easy to get you money back. It’s not like you can fill out a form online and hit “send”. Instead you have to fill out the form, print it and send it by regular mail. But I don’t care, my letter is already in the mail, I’ll keep you updated on how it goes.