The way Danes don’t interact

Hello again everybody.
I’m back in Denmark after five months of crazy fun adventures in the states. As I promised I will keep up my blog. I’ll keep writing in English hoping that some of my English speaking readers will keep enjoying my blog. I'm changing the name of my blog, but until I figure out what to write about the name will be the same.

Now that I’ve spend the last months making fun of American ways I was thinking about doing the same to the Danes – as it turns out we’re pretty weird too. I don’t know if this will be the main theme of my blog, we’ll see how it goes.
Here’s my first post written from Denmark. It’s called “The way Danes don’t interact”.

When I first landed in the states (New York to be more specific) I spend the first two days hurting my neck because I was looking up at the buildings. I’ve probably never seen a building taller than 20 floors, so the Empire State Building or Rockefeller Center is pretty impressive. But this didn’t impress me as much as what a saw on the streets, in bars or the subway. All over the place people were talking to people they didn’t know. They talked to me too. Asked me where I was from, why I was in the states and so on. Because I’m from Denmark my first thought was “Mind your own damn business.” In Denmark we go out of our way to avoid talking to strangers.

When you for example take the train from Aalborg to Copenhagen in Denmark (a five hour train ride) nobody will contact you unless they know you, want to see your ticket or yell at you because you are in the seat that they reserved.
There’s only one type of person who will contact you on a train – the much feared lonely old ladies. I fear these creatures more than I fear getting kicked in the nuts by David Beckham. That’s why I always bring my two shields with me when I’m taking the train – my MP3 player and my laptop. On a Danish train you’ll see people hiding behind screens or earplugs to avoid contact with other people. If we have been stupid enough to leave both these shields home and are unlucky enough to sit across from an old lady, who wants to tell us about her grandchildren that never call her, we instantly buy a newspaper to hide behind. We would rather read about the tragedies of the world than face the one in front of us. This is the Danish way, but not the American.

In New York people were much more interested in talking to strangers than I’ve ever experienced before, and it took me a while to get used to. Then I made my way to Missouri and realized that people in the Midwest are even more outgoing than in New York, actually MUCH more outgoing. I’m pretty sure that if you used the Newspaper trick on a train in Missouri the person in front of you would just keep telling you about his farm or guns or truck or football or his favorite buffalo wings.

The sad thing is that even though I find it absurd that Danes don’t talk to each other, there’s no way I’m going to speak with the lonely old lady that without a doubt will be sitting in front of me, when I take the train on Saturday. I’ll have my iPod charged and my laptop filled with movies.

Another successful drunk drive by…

My previous posts have been written from a humorous perspective. And I will try to make this post as funny as I can, but it’s hard because this topic is pretty serious and I really hope that the Americans who read it will take it to heart.

Drunk driving. What the hell is up with that?! Before I came to the states I’d never been in a car with a drunk driver (not to my knowledge anyway) over here people drive drunk more than sober it seems
The cultural differences on this matter are as huge as the ocean that separates us. The difference is made very obvious by the commercials concerning the topic. In Denmark the campaigns concerning drunk driving are always about the risk of killing innocent people. In the states they are about the risk of getting caught. There’s this dumb commercial where these drivers get pulled over. When they open their window beer starts pouring out and a voice says: You will get caught! Yeah maybe, but what if I don’t? Does it make it all right for me to risk the lives of the people in the car and on the streets?
Drunk driving is just not something you do in Denmark. In the states it’s just not something you get caught doing, but even if you do the punishment for doing so is like a slap on the wrist.

My first experience with Americans and drunk driving was shortly after I arrived in the states. I visited an American friend and right away we got in to our old habit of playing all kinds of drinking games. After an hour we were about to run out of beer. I was panicking because this was really a fun party and nobody was able to drive to the store and pick up some more alcohol. Well that’s what I thought anyway. Shortly after a dude gets up and walks out of the door. He’s going to get some more beer my friend tells me. Realizing that he is going to drive my two Danish friends and me try to stop him, but it seems like a very normal thing for the rest of the party, and who are we as foreigners to change their habits (also we really wanted beer so we didn’t argue as much as we should have).

I thought this was just one crazy guy (who is actually one of the coolest Americans I’ve met and I know he’s probably reading this, so I’m sorry dude), but when I came to Columbia, I realized that drunk driving is a way of life. People do it all the time. A couple of times I’ve been in the car myself. One time after a tailgate, which I believe to be one of the main reasons for drunk driving. Here’s an idea. Leave your car at the parking lot and go get it tomorrow – that’s what we do in Denmark. I don’t think Americans have ever or would ever consider this because that would mean that they had to walk somewhere either to catch a cab or walk all the way home.

Another difference. When somebody in the beginning of an American party says: "All right I’ll be the designated driver tonight." That just means: "I wont have more than 10 beers." In Denmark it means: "I wont touch alcohol period."
Because the real problem isn’t the laws, tailgating or American’s fear of walking. It’s the attitude. In Denmark drunk driving is looked down on. If you do it, you are considered a big loser. In the states people just laugh at it and think you’re cool. I’ve been in a car where the driver ended the trip by raising his arms in victory saying: "Another drunk drive by xxxxx." Well I was in the car and I didn’t stop him, so I’m no better than the rest. But when I return to Denmark, I will be Danish again and I will take his car keys or sit on him before I let him drive.

By the way I haven’t even told the worst drunk driving stories, but you all know who you are.

A lesson in Denmark

I know that I come from a small country but I’ve had it with people who don’t know where Denmark is and if it’s even a country. So here’s a short lesson in Denmark:
Yes, Denmark is a country. It’s located in the Northern part of Europe in Scandinavia, which also include Norway and Sweden. But these countries aren’t the same country they are three different countries. So Denmark isn’t a city in Sweden nor is it a part of London. Nor are Danes the same as Dutch people. The Dutch are from Holland also known as the Netherlands and Danes are from Denmark. So no, I don’t wear wooden shoes, I don’t smoke pot every day and I don’t live in a windmill – that is all the Dutch!!!

Another thing. Some Americans seem to think that the names they use for European countries or cities are the same names used by the natives. Well they’re not. For example Americans call the Danish capital Copenhagen, when in fact its real name is København. Also Denmark's

real name is Danmark. If we go south Germany is in fact Deutchland and Munich is München. Just so you know.

One more thing that really aggravates me is other nationalities taking credit for Danish inventions. During my stay in the states I’ve been confronted with Norwegians, who took credit for Carlsberg – a Danish beer. Germans who took credit for frikadeller – a Danish type of meatball and

Americans who took credit for Lego.

Here’s a list of things, inventions, brands and persons that are Danish:
- Carlsberg and Tuborg
- Frikadeller
- Morten Andersen - The kicker that holds the record for most points in the NFL
- Lego

- Niels Bohr – The physicist who is partly responsible for the discovery of the atomic model

- The Muhammad drawings

- Hans Christian Andersen - The author who wrote The Ugly Duckling, The Little Mermaid, The Emperor’s New Clothes, The Snow Queen and many other fairytales

- Bang & Olufsen
- Viggo Mortensen - The actor in Lord of the Rings, A History of Violence and Appaloosa (is part Danish)

- Vikings (no not the purple girls from Minnesota)
- Jørn Utzon – The architect that created Sydney Opera House.
- The speaker
- Aqua – The terrible band with the song “Barbie Girl” (the female singer is from Norway)

- Skype
- Lars Ulrich - The drummer in Metallica

And by the way the pastry called “Danish” is not Danish, you can’t buy those things in Denmark.

America you’re a party tease

Okay America. We need to have a talk because I’m getting a little aggravated with you and all your laws made for the sole purpose of spoiling my fun. An example:

It’s Homecoming weekend a tradition I don’t know but what is there to know really. Parade. Drinking. Football. Drinking… Count me in. So we get the parade over with, we start the drinking. We get the football game (which we do not speak of) over with and the drinking continues. The atmosphere is great. Former students have come home to party like they used to… and they do. We finish our after tailgate and decide to go out. We hit a bar around midnight. This is awesome. The bar is packed. The party is about to peak. I’m happy, dancing, singing, and shouting having a great time. Then at 00.45 the bartenders turn on the lights and turn off the music. Last call!!! Yeah like that’s possible - the line to the bar is longer than the Rams’ loosing streak. 15 minutes later the party is over and with an angry bartender chasing me off I leave the bar.

Another example:
I’m partying in St. Louis. Now this is a bigger city so get this, the bars stay open until amazingly 3 o’clock. WOW! But two hours later the story repeats itself. The light is turned on and music turned off. A bouncer yells to the billion people on the dance floor to leave. Outside another bouncer yanks my half full beer out of my hand and throws it out.
At first I get pissed off and then I remember - You can’t drink in public in the states.

What the F... America you act like you really want me to have fun, you make me drink with your low prices, you seduce me with your big noisy bars and then when I’m all excited and ready to give in to you, you turn on the lights and throw me out and you won’t even let me finish by myself in the street. America you are the biggest party tease ever.

Denmark I don’t miss paying a million for a beer. I don’t miss paying cover charges to take a piss. But man do I miss your opening hours. Denmark you know how to party… you go all the way every time. I’ll be home in 55 days and we’re going to spend all night together without interruptions from annoying bartenders yelling at me that I have to chug my beer and get the f… out!!!

Fan culture: USA 1, Denmark 0

If there’s one thing that is definitely different in the states compared to Denmark or Europe for that matter it’s going to a sport event. First of all there’s no tailgating in Europe. People don’t meet in front of the stadium 11 hours before the game and eat and drink themselves in to a coma… which is too bad. But I don’t want to write about tailgating even though it’s one thing us Europeans could really learn from, because there’s another thing I would like us to learn even more.

One day back in 1997 when I was 15 years old I found myself running down a street with four soccer hooligans chasing me. I had just been to a soccer match, my team had destroyed the opponents 4 – 0 and now I paid the price running for my life away from four fat, bald, tattooed hooligans. Luckily I got away from them without getting my face smashed in. Now this was in Denmark, hooliganism isn’t too bad compared to England, Germany or Italy, but still you don’t want to piss off the wrong people.

Now let me skip forward 11 years. I’m walking in to Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I’ve traveled from Denmark with two friends to watch my team the Packers play their biggest rival Chicago Bears. To Danes that don’t know it this (American) football rivalry can be compared to Barcelona against Real Madrid or Celtic – Rangers in Scotland. With a million stories about how European hooligans in these rivalries literally murder each other I find my seat in the stands. To my horror I realize that I’m sitting next to a huge guy wearing a Bears jersey. Holy shit I’m screwed is my first thought, but before I can scream like a girl this huge guy reaches out… and shakes my hand while wishing me a good game. Something’s wrong I think. Is he going to stab me in the back or strangle me when I turn around? Well he doesn’t. Later in the game when the Bears are down by a million points the Packers fans around us starts giving him a little shit, but instead of pushing him down and kicking him in the head like any European soccer fan would do, they finish the teasing by giving him a hug.

Since the Packers game I’ve been to most the college football games that Missouri Tigers have played this season and I’ve gotten used to this mutual respect between fans of opposite teams. I’ve had my picture taken with an Illinois fan, I’ve talked friendly with a couple of Nebraska fans and I beet I wont get in a fight when we play Kansas later this year. I just pray to God that I don’t take this behavior with me back to Denmark, because asking a fan of an opposite team if I can get a picture taken with him might be the end of me… I’m not kidding.

I say GOOD USA, BAD Denmark!!!!