America you’re a party tease

Okay America. We need to have a talk because I’m getting a little aggravated with you and all your laws made for the sole purpose of spoiling my fun. An example:

It’s Homecoming weekend a tradition I don’t know but what is there to know really. Parade. Drinking. Football. Drinking… Count me in. So we get the parade over with, we start the drinking. We get the football game (which we do not speak of) over with and the drinking continues. The atmosphere is great. Former students have come home to party like they used to… and they do. We finish our after tailgate and decide to go out. We hit a bar around midnight. This is awesome. The bar is packed. The party is about to peak. I’m happy, dancing, singing, and shouting having a great time. Then at 00.45 the bartenders turn on the lights and turn off the music. Last call!!! Yeah like that’s possible - the line to the bar is longer than the Rams’ loosing streak. 15 minutes later the party is over and with an angry bartender chasing me off I leave the bar.

Another example:
I’m partying in St. Louis. Now this is a bigger city so get this, the bars stay open until amazingly 3 o’clock. WOW! But two hours later the story repeats itself. The light is turned on and music turned off. A bouncer yells to the billion people on the dance floor to leave. Outside another bouncer yanks my half full beer out of my hand and throws it out.
At first I get pissed off and then I remember - You can’t drink in public in the states.

What the F... America you act like you really want me to have fun, you make me drink with your low prices, you seduce me with your big noisy bars and then when I’m all excited and ready to give in to you, you turn on the lights and throw me out and you won’t even let me finish by myself in the street. America you are the biggest party tease ever.

Denmark I don’t miss paying a million for a beer. I don’t miss paying cover charges to take a piss. But man do I miss your opening hours. Denmark you know how to party… you go all the way every time. I’ll be home in 55 days and we’re going to spend all night together without interruptions from annoying bartenders yelling at me that I have to chug my beer and get the f… out!!!

Fan culture: USA 1, Denmark 0

If there’s one thing that is definitely different in the states compared to Denmark or Europe for that matter it’s going to a sport event. First of all there’s no tailgating in Europe. People don’t meet in front of the stadium 11 hours before the game and eat and drink themselves in to a coma… which is too bad. But I don’t want to write about tailgating even though it’s one thing us Europeans could really learn from, because there’s another thing I would like us to learn even more.

One day back in 1997 when I was 15 years old I found myself running down a street with four soccer hooligans chasing me. I had just been to a soccer match, my team had destroyed the opponents 4 – 0 and now I paid the price running for my life away from four fat, bald, tattooed hooligans. Luckily I got away from them without getting my face smashed in. Now this was in Denmark, hooliganism isn’t too bad compared to England, Germany or Italy, but still you don’t want to piss off the wrong people.

Now let me skip forward 11 years. I’m walking in to Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I’ve traveled from Denmark with two friends to watch my team the Packers play their biggest rival Chicago Bears. To Danes that don’t know it this (American) football rivalry can be compared to Barcelona against Real Madrid or Celtic – Rangers in Scotland. With a million stories about how European hooligans in these rivalries literally murder each other I find my seat in the stands. To my horror I realize that I’m sitting next to a huge guy wearing a Bears jersey. Holy shit I’m screwed is my first thought, but before I can scream like a girl this huge guy reaches out… and shakes my hand while wishing me a good game. Something’s wrong I think. Is he going to stab me in the back or strangle me when I turn around? Well he doesn’t. Later in the game when the Bears are down by a million points the Packers fans around us starts giving him a little shit, but instead of pushing him down and kicking him in the head like any European soccer fan would do, they finish the teasing by giving him a hug.

Since the Packers game I’ve been to most the college football games that Missouri Tigers have played this season and I’ve gotten used to this mutual respect between fans of opposite teams. I’ve had my picture taken with an Illinois fan, I’ve talked friendly with a couple of Nebraska fans and I beet I wont get in a fight when we play Kansas later this year. I just pray to God that I don’t take this behavior with me back to Denmark, because asking a fan of an opposite team if I can get a picture taken with him might be the end of me… I’m not kidding.

I say GOOD USA, BAD Denmark!!!!

The way American girls dress

The first question you get from Americans when they find out that you are a foreigner is: “So how do you like the states?” The answer is easy. “I love it here”, “I like it so far” or “This place rocks” are all very good answers. Answering the next question is much harder. “So what surprised you the most about the states?”

The most? I have no idea. The giant cars – no. The food – no. The trillion McDonalds – no. I watch TV, I knew all those things.

But one thing actually has surprised me. No let me rephrase that. One thing has chocked, scared and horrified me… the way girls dress on campus.

I guess what happens is that American girls get up in the morning. They shower. They dry their hair. They do their hair. They sprinkle perfume all over themselves. They use an hour putting on make up… and then they put on sweats?!? That is like having to go really bad for an hour without being near a restroom, and then when you’re a feet from the toilet you piss your pants or like buying the world’s coolest Ferrari… in brown. Why would you do that? There’s no good reason whatsoever.

I never knew that it was something to be appreciative for, but in Denmark girls dress up when they go to school. I always took it for granted, but let me use this opportunity to thank Danish girls for dressing up so I don’t have to see them in sweats, slippers or something like that.

I’ve been dating a Danish girl for 8 months. There are a few things you don’t do in the beginning of the relationship. You don’t fart (which can be a challenge for me not to do), you don’t tell her she’s fat (well you never tell her that) and you don’t wear sweats in front of her and neither does she. Sweats are allowed three or four months into the relationship on Sundays when you’re behind closed doors. Not on campus for the world to see.

Now I’m not saying that American girls should start dressing up for school as if they were going to prom. Jeans or a simple dress or skirt is fine, and to be fair a lot of American girls do dress properly – and thank you for that. It’s the last say 40 per cent I’m talking to.

There’s another big problem with girls dressing in sweats. It throws clueless guys (like me) off.

I had just spend my first week of school in sweat pants / shorts hell (shorts are sweats pants evil sister when it’s hot) and was ready for my first night on the town. I figured that I shouldn’t dress up, because that’s the American way. So I went to a bar wearing what I usually wear in school, and I find myself surrounded by cocktail dresses, high heals and well A LOT of mini skirts (the mini skirts I’m fine with – they aren’t exactly classic but the students here are around 20 and let’s face it, girls that age dresses slutty when they go out). I was with two other Danes that night, and we all looked like complete idiots because we figured that people don’t dress up when they go out, because they don’t in School. The problem is that there’s too far from the levels of dressing. In Denmark it’s more like a straight line. Of course you dress up a little nicer when you go out than on the week days, but in America the line has waves so big they’ll throw of any clueless foreigner.

After three months here I’ve figured the system out. But I still don’t get why girls want to piss their pants just before the goal line or why they want their Ferrari to be brown – anyone got an answer?

I say BAD USA!!!