I’m on the phone, so nobody can hear me…

For some reason my latest posts have been about trains or train staff. But I spend half my life on trains, so it’s no wonder. Anyway this post will be no different. Actually it’s written on the train between Århus and Aalborg.

Why the hell am I forced to listen to people’s most intimate stories whenever I’m on a train? It’s like people think that because they are on the phone you can’t hear what they are saying.
Listen sister I can’t hear what the person in the other end is saying, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you are talking about, when you say things like:
“I don’t like going down on him.”
I know it’s not your favorite kind of bubble gum you mean when you say “Mmmmm I don’t know I think I prefer doggy”.

It’s not always about sex though. One time I unwillingly got a lecture in the wonders of the woman’s period. I actually learned something. Did you guys know that a girl bleeds like a cow pisses when she’s not on the pill?

Another time me an the rest of the passengers on the train had to sit through an hour of a girl screaming at her boyfriend that he didn’t pay enough attention to her and that he was always flirting with her best friend and bla bla bla.

I know what you’re thinking. Pete, why don’t you just put in your earphones and listen to some music? It’s a good question, because I could. I’ll admit it I like ease dropping. It’s like having my own live version of Paradise Hotel. I just have to hear what these freaks are saying next.

What I can’t understand is why people, who are not on Paradise Hotel, mentally retarded or paid (one doesn’t exclude the other) want to let the entire world know about their terrible sex life, preferred positions or shitty boyfriends.

My guess is that they don’t realize that the rest of the train can hear what they are saying. More then ones if experienced a person (normally as in always a girl) saying (after having use words like: sex, going down and gagging): “No I can’t say the b-word, I’m on a train.” Or something like that.
Listen lady I know what you are talking about, the other passengers know what you are talking about, the usher knows what you are talking about, the whole world knows it. We have heard you going on for the last 45 minutes. We know how big your bra is, we know that you like it rough, we know the names of your last three sex partners and that one of them had a penis ring that really did it for you. So you can use the b-word – it’s all right.